No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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