she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
