She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize