Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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