All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
