the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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