My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
PANTIES FOUND
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