you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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