yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
