so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
