Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
