I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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