So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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