3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
