I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he thought i was a dude.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
