he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
