Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
