Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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