Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
