it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
