How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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