Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
