i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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