Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
