In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
