I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
