Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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