READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
