I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
