dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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