She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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