you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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