I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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