I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
