she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
