i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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