and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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