I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss