So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy