we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
