you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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