when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...