The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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