Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
