I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
