I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
