I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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