how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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