remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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