my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
