Dignity is for republicans.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
