She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
