He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
