How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
