Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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