So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
