ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
