Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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