There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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