please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
