Umm I'm too high to move.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
