Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
