yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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