I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
