just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
