Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
