I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
