am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
