guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
