i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
