whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
