So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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