You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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