I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
