Your mouth is God's brothel.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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