Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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